Today was what is commonly referred to as a “lazy Saturday” for me. I essentially did nothing. I woke up with a checklist of things to do today ranging from hitting the movies with my dad to getting a haircut. Not a lot I know, but its something.
I woke up early today to hit the barbershop before my 9:10 dermatology appointment (why I scheduled it at that awkward hour on a Saturday don’t ask) and barely made it on time. “On time” is also relative when your doctor is black; my appointment ran an hour over just waiting.
After that I came home, ate some cereal and took a nap. I have to say there’s something about waking up with the sun still in the sky that makes you feel obligated to do something, but I was content laying down in my bed. The next thing I did was grab the remote and sift through the sea of mindless shows on before I threw in the towel and turned off the TV.
“OH the movies,” I thought. So I sent my dad a text to remind him and he informed me that we would have to reschedule. No biggie. I’d just spend some time on the computer. Not being completely hip, I didn’t have many sites I wanted to visit that would tell me something that wasn’t on twitter (I follow virtually every major news outlet) and I wasn’t in the mood to look at porn. Off to the social networks, but they only hold my attention for so long. Too much time on them makes me lose my faith in humanity.
Then I put down my iPad and grabbed a book. I spent about an hour reading before the beginning of dusk started to put a strain on my eyes as they simultaneously tried to read the small font and adjust to the natural light. Well reading is done for the day.
I’m hungry, but I smell some food in the kitchen so going out to eat is sort of a waste. I then started the usual “its a weekend and its almost night” check-ins with some friends. The ones that responded were in the same situation I was in; at home, “chillin” with no plans for evening.
I suggested going to a movie, “noel” night in downtown Detroit and maybe grabbing drinks. Since I got tepid responses, I just said forget it and decided to sit the night out. My solitude got me thinking about idle time and all of the things we do to fill the sleep.
Routines, hobbies, sleeping, fucking, eating, watching TV, reading.
Do these things make us happy? Are we really interested in them or do we just make up activities to avoid doing what I’m doing at this moment, thinking?
In an age where we are constantly surrounded by distractions, I find a dark sense of comfort in my alone time.
It forces me to do some reflecting, planning and allows me to use my imagination. The only issue with it is when I want to talk to someone about what I’m thinking.
*le sigh* there lies the issue we being a guy.
Men are expected to “do”. Work, fuck, eat, talk about “manly” things, but never about ourselves. What we’re thinking about. Even when I’m around friends, I find myself listening more than I’m talking.
By no means do I have a million things on my mind to talk about, nor do I feel neglected. I just realized it may not be a skill I have because I haven’t had much experience doing it; expressing myself. Opening up to other people. I don’t have things locked inside of me, but there are times when it’d be cool to here someone ask me about things related to myself that aren’t about my love life or the hackneyed “how’s work?”
There’s some stimulation that men don’t get and that makes us simple, we just aren’t engaged enough.
I’m not saying it never happens, but its rare. Women often say men are simple and as defensive as I may get, I have to agree in a sense.
Of all the men I know, there are so many elements to us that are shrouded in mystery.
Is it because no one asks us, we weren’t told to share (because that’s feminine) or do we have nothing to say?
I’m going to go with the expectation that we are easily occupied by trivial distractions and supposed to be content with that. Sex, money, cars, sports, etc are all cool to indulge in, but alas, we are humans. We deserve a little deeper stimulation every once in a while.
Anyway, those are my two cents for the night. What better time to get the wheels turning than midnight lol?